Pork Chop - A short story by Phantom Smurf

I wrote this for a creative writing class my freshman year in high school. I hope you enjoy it. I guess my teacher did, I got a B+! This teacher was a major pervert. He used to give girls a good grade if they would wear a short skirt and sit in front of the class. I also used to work Pearl Jam into everything we would learn. I used to joke around saying that everything was the "Jam" the "Pearl Jam". This teacher would be like Phantom Smurf..."Thats the Jam!!!!" This is all very true.

Pork Chop – a short story by Phantom Smurf

Sally and Babbet were all excited their plans for a bicycle trip to Cape Cod are going as planned.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes Sally, I’ve been ready for a long time now.”
“Do we have everything?”
“Yes!” (Followed by excited laughter)
“Bye, mom, dad we love you!”
“You kids be careful that sure is a tough trip.”
“Call us when you get there.”
“Bye” (Everyone says)
As they leave a news bulletin comes over the radio…
“Escaped from the mental hospital, is Damian Clesin otherwise known as Pork Chop.” Years back, Clesin got busted for killing and eating people, but had a good lawyer so he got off on charges of insanity. Ever since he has spent his day’s in a padded room most of the time in a straitjacket. Lately because of good behavior they took the jacket off and now he wants revenge.
“Hey Babbet, lets sing a song.”
“ok”
“Oh I wish I were an Oscar Myer wiener…”
(the girls sing)
As they’re riding on the busy highway they see a man in the woods just standing and watching them.
“Put on our turbo packs Batman” (Babbet says as she watches the man watch her)
“Shut up! What’s he doing whys he just standing there?”
(They could see something strange about him the first time they saw him)
“Lets speed up.”
“Holy eyeball Batman, that man is staring at us.”
“SHUT UP, OK, It’s not funny!”
(Babbet shuts up for a minute)
The man starts to walk out of the woods towards the two girls. For some reason he stops and lets them go on their way.
“Wow that was weird.”
“No foolin huh, Oh well, it’s a story to tell.”
(Again they start singing commercials that they see signs for.)
“Zest fully clean, zest fully clean, your not…”
Pork Chop waits by the side of the road and waves a cop down.
“Hop in, Ill take you in to see where you need to go.”
“Thank you.”
(Then Pork Chop takes a knife and kills the Police Man)
“LUNCH”
He was well satisfied but had much left and needed to dispose of the body.
He speeds up to great speeds of 80, 90, 100 and when no ones around he throws the body parts out the window. Then he ditches the car and goes into the woods to wait.
“Wow, were making good time.”
“Yea we are! To the Cape gun ho!”
(A LOUD SCREAM)
“WHATS THAT!”
(A mans arm lays in their path.)
Babbet then begins to scream…
“IT”S AN ARM!!! What do we do I think its human!”
“SHUT UP!”
“NO YOU SHUT UP!”
“Should we take it with us!”
“WHAT?!”
“I mean like to a police station or somewhere!?”
“We can get a cop.”
“DON’T TOUCH IT!”
“I wanna go home”
“Shut up Sally, you’re such a baby!”
“Babbet, look its that man!”
The man limps up to the girls.
“Hello, I seem to be lost can you help me?”
“We found an arm…”
“What are your names?”
“Sally”
“Babbet”
“And you sir?”
“My name (he hesitates…) My name is of no importance. My friends call me Pork Chop.”
“Why?”
“Oh I don’t know maybe because I like to…EAT PEOPLE!!!”
(The girls scream)
Pork Chop takes out a small chainsaw and chops Sally’s arm off.
“OH, MY ARM, I have no arm!” (Going hysterical)
“How about you Babbet, how bout you give me a hand!?”
“You hurt my sister Pork Chop and now your gonna pay!”
She blocks the chainsaw so he is unable to attack her and kicks him in the face.
Sally lies unconscious on the ground with no arm.
Babbet gets on her bike and then gets on the move.
Pork Chop Picks up Sallys arm and starts to eat it and yell…
“Um, um um! Sooo goood, Your next!”
Babbet then hatches a plan – In he back pack she brought lighter fluid to start camp fires along the way. She takes that out and starts pouring it as she rides
(Pork Chop is now running after her with the arm in his mouth)
“I’m gonna get you!!!!”
She then finishes the lighter fluid, drops it and lights it with a match…
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM
(Pork Chop is set on fire and In hysteria he starts eating himself.)
“Um, um, um, um…” (As he eats himself he mutters, running around…)
“Its been a good dayyyyyyyyyyyyy!”
Then he falls dead to the ground – Pork Chop lies dead with several fingers and many body parts distorted from his eating and the fire.
“Sally” (Babbet cries)
(She runs over to her sister who is almost dead)
“HELP C.P.R….HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!” (She Yells)
(Babbet then wakes up in a hot sweat)
It was only a dream…she thought.
“OUCH” (She looks over at her arm)
“AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG” (A loud scream)
(Her arm was gone and written in blood on her bed was, I told you I’d get you. Pork Chop)