REGINALD MURPHY TORTURES LARRY KING DURING INTERVIEW!

LIVE WITH LARRY KING//

Our guest this evening is Reginald Murphy the Extra Terrestrial formally known as E.T. Reginald returns to talk with us about his life and give us an update on what’s happened since his last interview with Geraldo Rivera.

(Reginald Murphy comes in wearing a “Larry King Sucks” t-shirt, and brown bagging a 40 of Saint Ides)

Larry King: Now, that’s not very nice what’s this all about…?

Reginald Murphy: Blurrrrrrrrrrppppppp

Dan O’Conner: Larry he said he wouldn’t do the interview without wearing the t-shirt.

Larry King: What! This is absurd.

Dan O’Connor: No shirt, no interview.

Larry King: (sigh) Long Pause…Hello Reginald. You’re here with us today. I notice you smell like 10 bottles of Whisky, your wearing a insulting shirt, you have alcohol in hand and what is that wretched odor coming off of you?. What is going on man!

Reginald Murphy: Hey Larry, Blurrrrpppp… what’s insulting????

Larry King: Your wearing a shirt that says I suck. Do you think this is nice?

Reginald Murphy: Please rephrase the question Larry. What insulting about a shirt?

Larry King: Your saying I suck. Weren’t you taught that this isn’t nice?

Reginald Murphy: Apparently not. Next question Larry.

Larry King: I notice you can speak normal – like a human being now would you like to comment on that!?

Reginald Murphy: Not really Larry. I will say this (Blurrrrrrrp) whyyyyyy do the producers of a movie insist that I have to eat those frigging Reese’s Pieces things when they know “BECAUSE “ its been stipulated in my contract that I have a peanut allergy. Reginald Murphy has a peanut allergy Larry. I hate those goddamn little M&M peanut butter filled candies. They give me gas Larry. After I left that movie set, I went home and what do I get??? 25 years of frigging Reese’s pieces dropped in front of me Larry, 25 years of gas. I did mention that I have an allergy to those things!!! I mean it was in the frigging contract…but no one cares about Reginald if they cared that little F*&k would of left a trail of Dewers shots…(pause) Blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp (pause) you suck Larry…

Larry King: So I’ve been told. Why beat around the bush Reginald. Where is Geraldo?

Reginald Murphy: Geral-dick

Larry King: Geraldo Rivera

Reginald Murphy: Geral-dick

Larry King: Geraldo, Reginald! You know who I mean why do you keep saying that when I say Geraldo?

Reginald Murphy: I say that because its his name…GERAL-DICK..in fact call him that Larry.

Larry King: I will not!

Reginald Murphy: Call him Geral-dick Larry or I won’t answer any more questions.

Larry King: I will not sir!

Reginald Murphy: Larry (pause) call him Geral-dick or ill melt your face off.

Larry King: WHERE IS HE!

Reginald Murphy: Where is who?

Larry King: (sigh)

Reginald Murphy: Larry your face….

Larry King: Where is (in a low mumble) Geral-dick…?

Reginald Murphy: Hehehehe Louder Larry the viewers cant here you…

Larry King: Where is Geral-dick, Reginald!

Reginald Murphy: Say it like you mean it Larry in fact for the purpose of this interview I want to change your name. Lets call you Geral-dick!

Larry King: NO sir!

Reginald Murphy: Larry do you really want your face melted off?

Larry King: (sigh)

Reginald Murphy: Larry, repeat after me…I am Geral-dick!!!!

Larry King: I am Geral-dick ( in a low disgusted tone)

Regianld Murphy: No Larry, sing it IIIIIIIIIIIII aaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmm Geeeeeeeerrrrrraaaaaalllllldddiiiccccccccckkkkkkkk!!!

Larry King: I am Ggggeeerrrralllldddiiiiicccckkkk. Are you Happy!

Reginald Murphy: hehahahhaa

Larry King: Tell us where Geral-dick is now Reginald!

Reginald Murphy: What do you mean he’s interviewing me. Next question Geral-dick…

Larry King: But, No he’s…

Reginald Murphy: I saaaid…next question…GERAL-DICK!

Larry King: (sigh)

Reginald Murphy: New game. Simon says, Geral-dick, take off your suspenders.

Larry King: wh, wh, wh????

Reginald Murphy: Simon says take them off…

Larry removes his suspenders.

Reginald Murphy: Simon says put on this fake mustache.

Larry King: Why?

Reginald Murphy: Simon says Geral-dick put on your mustache NOW.

Larry King: (sighs and puts on the mustache)
Why are you doing this Reginald?

Reginald Murphy: ummmmmm why not. Can someone please get me a new Saint Ides…Blurrrrp

Larry King: No more alcohol for Reginald.

Reginald Murphy: Geral-dick, I will melt everyone’s face off in this goddamn room if you do not do what I say. Starting with yours. Now lets continue.

Larry King: (starts crying)

Reginald Murphy: Are you crying????

Larry King: Get on with it…

Reginald Murphy: Okay, from this point forward your new name is Gerdildo, you cry baby. The new game is this. If you say the word ET or even say a word that has the letters ET in it I will melt someone’s face off in this room.

Larry King: I don’t want to play...

Reginald Murphy: Gerdildo, you don’t have a choice.

Larry King: sniff (Larry is reduced to tears)

Reginald Murphy: Hey Gerdildo what’s that thing that you do when you gamble, you know you have to place something, right, what is it???

Larry King: silence. (in a low tone) Money….(sniff)

Reginald Murphy: Place money? Hmmm. I’m not sure about that. Hey Gerdildo. Its loud on here tell everyone to pipe down but don’t say it like that.

Larry King: Long Pause…. Uh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh everyone…

Reginald Murphy: No, no, no Use the word keep in your answer…

Larry King: Keep it down, keep it down (quickly)

Reginald Murphy: Hmmmmmm, Gerdildo stand up and go and punch Dan in the face!

Larry King: (crying hard) Larry stands up walks over to Dan (looks apologetic) but then punches him in the face.

Reginald Murphy: Hey Gerdildo… Simon didn’t say..

Larry King: Wha, wha wha???

Reginald Murphy: Im going to leave now but I’m going to melt your face off by the end of the night Gerdildo.

Larry King: wha wha (hysterical)

Reginald Murphy: Dick!!! Blurrrrrrrrrp

Reginald gets up and leaves slamming the door behind him. Leavening everyone left in the room speechless. Larry clutches the carpet under his desk as he cries. Reginald Murphy disappears. Larry King has gone into hiding.