A Fox News special event! Here at Fox news we have solicited the help of movie star Samuel L Jackson the baddest man alive to interview Reginald Murphy, the Extra Terrestrial formally known as E.T. In recent developments Reginald has been interviewed by Geraldo Rivera and Larry King, both men have been missing since. Samuel L promises a hard hitting interview with questions everyone from the cops to the viewers are looking for. This is Fox News Live Special Report….
(Reginald walks in smoking pot, eating Reese’s Pieces and smelling like 10 bottles of Whiskey)
Samuel L Jackson: (In an excited tone) Reginald! Who the f*$k do you think you are!?
Reginald Murphy: huh?
Samuel Jackson: (back to a calm tone) Know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Paris?
Reginald Murphy: uhhhh what, huh?
Samuel Jackson: Royale with Cheese
Reginald stares and nods confused.
Samuel Jackson: Know why they call it that?
Reginald Murphy: uhhhhhhmmm (in a questioning tone) the metric system?
Samuel L. Jackson: Check out the big brain on Reginald. You’re a smart Motherfu$ker, that’s right, the metric system.
(Sam pauses and flips through his pages of notes)
Samual L Jackson: Know why im here?
Reginald Murphy: interview um??? (pops a couple Reese’s in his mouth and washes them down with a fresh beer)
Samuel L Jackson: (Long pause and then he clears his throat and speaks) What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Reginald Murphy: Who???
Samuel L Jackson: you remember your business partner Marsellus Wallace don’t you?
Reginald Murphy: Who?
Samuel L Jackson: (in an excited angry tone) Say what again! C’mon say what again! I dare ya, I double dare you motherfu$ker, say what one more goddamn time!
Reginald Murphy: I didn’t say what?
Samuel L Jackson: Do they speak English in what?
Reginald: huh, WHAT!? (annoyed and confused)
Samuel L Jackson: (in an excited angry tone) Say what again! C’mon say what again! I dare ya, I double dare you motherfu$ker, say what one more goddamn time!
Reginald Murphy: what What WHAT!!!!! You just said that to me WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SAM!!!
Samuel L Jackson: (long pause again flipping through his notes) Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like?
Reginald Murphy: What in the F%$k are you talking about MAN!!! (Reginald starts shoving Reese’s into his mouth by the hand full)
Samuel L Jackson: Does he look like a bitch?
Reginald Murphy: LISTEN SAM!!!! WHAT IN THE HELL ARE …….(Reginald stops dead and pauses and looks down. There is a long pause where Reginald keeps looking at Sam and then at the floor mumbling to himself) wai, wai, wait (In a suspicious tone) Your doing lines from that movie? Wh, wh why are you doing that?
Samuel L Jackson: (Sam just stares blankly into the air and then again changes his demeanor and breaks back into the interview. In an excited angry tone…) Say what again! C’mon say what again! I dare ya, I double dare you motherfu$ker, say what one more goddamn time!
Reginald Murphy: You said that (calm and suspicious) why are you doing this. Your definitely doing lines from that movie….
Samuel L Jackson: (looking at the ceiling for a few moments and then he addresses Reginald.) What aint no country I’ve ever heard of.
Reginald Murphy: (talking to himself) What is that movie??
Samual L Jackson: Would you give a guy a foot massage?
Regianld Murphy: (starts scratching his head.) That’s not even your line.
Samual L Jackson: Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' a little pissed here.
Reginald Murphy: Gosh what is that movie (talking to himself) pulp, pulp, …hmmmm pulpy bananas? No no…pulp my socks, NO damn it!!! Pulp Porcupines...no No NO! WAIT! AHHH Pulp Fiction!!! He’s doing lines from Pulp Fiction.
While Reginald is talking to himself Sam has continued speaking.
At the moment Sam is jumping out of his chair and saying the lines:
Say what again! C’mon say what again! I dare ya, I double dare you motherfu$ker, say what one more goddamn time!
Reginald Murphy: SAM!!!! (Reginald pounds a beer, finishes the Reese’s Pieces bag and stands up) I don’t know what your up to but this isn’t Pulp Fiction MAN! I’m going to melt your face off if you don’t stop this crap.
Samuel L Jackson: Stops talking abruptly and stares cold at Reginald. Now Reginald, we're not gonna do anything stupid, are we?
Reginald Murphy: Im going to melt you face off Sam!
Samuel L Jackson: Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're gonna be like two little Fonzies here. And what's Fonzie like? Come on Reginald what's Fonzie like?
Reginald Murphy: Are you still doing these f%$king movie lines! Your face SAM!
Samuel L Jackson: Reginald, I thought we were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfu$kers get scared, that's when motherfu$kers accidentally get shot.
Reginald Murphy: I am going to kill you Sam!
The producers and camera men are all flipping out. Everyone is scared.
Death is eminent in the room.
Samuel L Jackson: Do you read the bible Reginald. There's a passage I got memorized for situations like this. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides…
(At this point Reginald go to the middle of the room he starts twitching and having convulsions. Light is shooting out of his mouth hole. A metallic fluid oozes from his ears. Sam continues the verse…)
(continued) by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.
(Reginald is now shaking uncontrollably and light is shooting out from all of his alien pores. The metallic fluid is sweating of him and working is way towards any living being in the room. Sam pulls out a gun and shoots Reginald, 5 times in the head. Reginald falls where he is standing dead in his tracks. The light disappears and the metallic fluid retracts back into Reginald. Sam is standing over the body of Reginald Murphy and yelling, “I told you not to piss me off Motherfu$ker.” At this moment an ungodly gas odor seeps out of Reginald Murphy, makes contact with Samuel L Jackson and melts his face off!
2 comments:
That was totally disturbing! E.T. is a mushroom-cloud-laying motherf***er motherf***er!!
I think this is all well hear from Reginald for awhile. What a horrifying return to the public eye. 2 men have disappeared and Sam Jackson is faceless. Also, Whats up with Samuel Jackson and all that Pulp Fiction stuff.
What a weirdo....but it almost worked as weird as it was it almost worked....hmmmmmmm
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